


Tuning in to the Frequency of Your Soul

by amethyst-noir (Arbonne)



Series: Prompt Collection [62]
Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Afterlife, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Bad Things Happen Bingo, Canon Disabled Character, Caretaking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Future Fic, Hurt Stephen Strange, Hurt Tony, I'm Bad At Tagging, IronStrange Bingo 2019, M/M, but not really, second life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2020-04-11 20:45:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19117375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arbonne/pseuds/amethyst-noir
Summary: He'd known that he would die, really die, the moment Strange had looked at him with infinite sadness and raised a single, shaking finger. No, wrong. He'd known it since the moment Strange had looked up at him with infinite pain in his eyes and said "One".(Tony knew how this was going to turn out but he didn't expect the last gift the Stones gave him while killing him.)





	Tuning in to the Frequency of Your Soul

**Author's Note:**

> I got this anon ask:  
>  _"I will not wake for living / I'll come to you in dreams / I will be there in silence/ You will know what it means / Darling don't wake, don't wake yourself tonight /My love, my love, I am your satellite"_
> 
> Les Friction, really? It's okay, it's not as if I needed my heart anyway. 😭 This one is… strange. No way about it. I hope it's still somewhat enjoyable, though.  
> Tony is a caretaker who adores being there for someone and I like to imagine that one of Stephen's biggest fears is that his hands might get even worse. So I fused together Tony's dream of someone to take care of and Stephen's nightmare of not being able to do things himself anymore. It's still better than what they both got in canon, though. This takes big inspiration from a comment @descaladumidera left me a while ago; although that one was much nicer and without death.  
> Title taken from a song by Apoptygma Berzerk.  
> @ironstrangebingo prompt: _Fantasy_ | @badthingshappenbingo prompt: _Forced to Watch_

He'd known that he would die, really die, the moment Strange had looked at him with infinite sadness and raised a single, shaking finger. No, wrong. He'd known it since the moment Strange had looked up at him with infinite pain in his eyes and said "One".

Strange wasn't nearly as inscrutable as he pretended to be, and not nearly as merciless.

Five years of borrowed time on top of ten years. Fifteen years more than he should have had. That wasn't so bad, actually.

He could feel the power of the Infinity Stones curse through his body, could _feel_ the horror of his friends and family.

"I am… Iron Man," he forced out, even as he could feel the power of the stones devouring his body. He looked across the battlefield, looking at Peter, Pepper, Rhodey… _his_ people, before finally settling on the only one who looked back not with stunned disbelief but tired resignation and grief. 

_Stephen_ , he thought and something in his mind _snapped_ as the stones burned his body beyond chance of survival.

*

The sunlight streamed through the open window and Tony watched in fascination as the Cloak of Levitation stretched itself like a cat in the warm place under it.

"Is your Cloak something to keep you warm or a cat that wants to chase the warmth itself?" he asked absently, still playing around with the latest update for Peter's newest suit.

Stephen looked up from his book and smiled at the display. "Somedays I'm not quite sure myself," he murmured and summoned his cup of tea.

Tony watched it levitate for a moment or two before snatching it out of the air. "May I?" He'd noticed that Stephen tried to grab as little as possible today and used magic far more than usual even for the smallest things.

Stephen just stared at him before finally nodding. Tony smiled at him to make sure that he knew that he didn't mind. Stephen had done so many things for him over their time together; it was a privilege to help him from time to time now. Stephen held up his hands and Tony went to his knees in front of him before he gently and carefully helped him to fold his cool and stiff fingers around it. Even after that was done he kept his hands there, trying to force some warmth into them. Stephen, knowing exactly what he was doing and appreciating it, smiled once again.

Tony let his hands fall to rest on Stephen's tights and watched him drink, gently stroking the soft fabric under his hands. Stephen's hands were deteriorating the older he got and it hurt Tony to see him struggle with things that weren't a problem a few years or even months ago. He could only watch and do nothing as Stephen got weaker and weaker. It was so fucking unfair.

"Don't," Stephen said softly, taking him out of his increasingly dark thoughts. "It can't be changed, it's futile to think about it." The teacup sailed away and set itself down and Stephen put his trembling hands over Tony's.

"I just wish…"

"Shh. Don't. This is the best possible outcome, believe me, I've seen the alternatives."

After almost twenty years together the reminder didn't even sting anymore. But still… "I just want you to be happy and pain free."

Stephen smiled again. "We have the happiness, that's enough for me. I wouldn't trade what we have for my hands. Or less pain." 

"I love you." Tony raised up again to press a chaste kiss against dry lips. It was so unfair that he, the older one by almost a decade, was the physical fitter one of them but Stephen had told him over and over again that it was okay, that he was more than willing to pay this price for them being together.

Tony had never, ever asked what the alternative had been, too afraid of the vacant look in Stephen's eyes whenever something reminded him of Thanos and the time he was still an active sorcerer.  But their time together was becoming short, he just knew it and the knowledge broke his heart, and if he wanted answers he had to ask for them sooner rather than later.

"Tell me," he begged, settling down on the floor besides Stephen with his head on his thigh. "Tell me about what-if's and might-have-beens."

The Cloak, warm from the sun, came over, settled over them both and offered itself for Stephen to bury his fingers in. 

And Stephen, for the first time, broke his silence and told Tony about the other timeline. 

*

 _I love him_ , he realized. God help him, he loved that stupid, powerful, amazing, beautiful man just as much as he loved Pepper and Morgan. On the heels of that realization followed another, heartbreaking one. _He knows. He's seen it, too._

He held Stephen's gaze while the power of the stones cursed through him, cursing the universe that had brought Stephen to him so late only to take him away from him hours later. Ten years with Pepper. Five with his daughter. Not even a day with Stephen, fictional memories of twenty years of marriage notwithstanding.

It was Pepper who was with him as he died, who held his hand and told him that it was okay to rest now. It was the echo of Stephen's _I would have done it a thousand times if it meant that you didn't have to do it once_ that followed him into the darkness.

* 

There was no pain and a quick glance assured him that his arm was still there and unhurt.

"Tony?" There was no more time for the contemplation of the unexplainable. Tony stared at Stephen, the memories of a nice fantasy life shared between them.

"Where are we?"

"The astral plane. Some sort of in-between place for…"

"People who have died?" Tony said gently when Stephen fell silent. He knew the thing from Stephen's stories after all. A nod. "Then why are you here?" An awful thought occurred. "Don't tell me that you…"

"No, I'm alive."

Tony tried to reach out and was pleasantly surprised when he felt soft fabric under his searching fingertips. "But not well?" he asked and Stephen just gave a rueful smile and shook his head.

"No."

"It's not your fault."

"I beg to differ." Stephen looked stiff and uncomfortable and he still had the same scratches on his face he'd had after Thanos had wiped Titan with him. He looked like hell and since Tony knew about all the pains haunting him even now he wanted to do nothing more than to comfort.

He decided to follow his instinct and put his right, unburnt and unhurt hand on Stephen's cheek. "Not your fault," he repeated. "My choice. My destiny. You told me that yourself." Stephen teared up and put his own, trembling hand over his. His grip was weak but still much stronger than Tony was accustomed to. "You should go back to your body now. It's still a battlefield out there." 

"Wong's watching over me. I had to say goodbye. To tell you that…"

Tony couldn't bear to listen to Stephen's broken voice anymore. "Go back, Stephen. They need you."

A minimal shake of the head. "This is my last chance to see you. I don't want to go."

Peter's words and they didn't hurt any less coming from Stephen and the pain in his eyes and voice was so much worse. Time for a decision then. It wasn't even really one. "I'll be here when you need me, promise. But you have to go back now."

Stephen startled and tried to get away from Tony's hold but he held on tightly, afraid to hurt the fragile hands but even more afraid of losing contact. "I'll wait," he promised again.

"You can't."

He smiled at that. "Watch me. I've been doing things I shouldn't have for forever, I can do this. I'll be there in your dreams and when the pain gets too much and you flee here to escape it for a little while. I'll haunt your ass until you're ready to join me here for real. Then we'll see what happens next."

He took Stephen into an embrace and tried to steady his trembling body. "Shh, I'm here. I'll always be here for you. I promised you, remember?"

He had, in their shared little fantasy world. Right there and then when he'd married Stephen and gotten the same promise in return. There was a reason the stones had gifted him with those memories and he was pretty sure he now knew what it was.

"Go back. Help them with the clean-up. Look after my family. And then... go home and go to sleep. I'll be waiting for you."

Stephen clung to him like a man drowning. "Don't do this to yourself. You can't linger here, you have to move on."

Tony clung back, fighting tears and the desire to scream about the unfairness of it all. But his decision was made. "I will. As soon as you can come with me. In the meantime I'll be there for you in any way I can."

"Tony…" There was a distinct warning in Stephen's voice but he chose to ignore it.

"See you tonight." It was a dirty tactic, but he knew that Stephen would never go to sleep otherwise. "You don't want me to get lonely in here, do you?"

He could feel Stephen slipping away as he was called back into his body. Probably Wong, afraid for his wellbeing. Good. Stephen needed all the friends he could get in the waking world. "Take care of yourself and my family," he whispered as Stephen faded from his arms. "I love you."

If Stephen had to say something to that he didn't get the chance to hear it.

"Well, that was that," he said to himself, consciously looking at his surroundings for the first time.

It looked like the Sanctum, Tony realized to his surprise. But if this was to be his home for the foreseeable future he could have done worse. Thanks to his second life on Stephen's side he knew his way around here and if this astral plane thing was even a little bit like the real thing he could occupy himself here very well.

"In-between place for souls who have died but not moved on yet," he repeated softly and looked up as if he could see something up there except for the intricate ceiling of the Sanctum's hallway. "JARVIS?" he called, held his breath and willed himself to not be disappointed.

"Hello, sir. It's a pleasure to hear you again."

He was sobbing before his knees even hit the floor when he collapsed in sheer, immeasurably _joy_.

*

Stephen returned three days later, looking like death itself. He found Tony engaging in a game of chess with the remnants of an AI he'd only heard of before, laughing and trading stories. As soon as Tony saw him his whole face lit up.

"Stephen! There you are? Come here!" He held out his hands and Stephen, so tired and weary, threw all his carefully rehearsed reasons why this was a bad idea overboard and crawled into Tony's arms.

"I'm sorry." For so many things. "For being late. But there where things to do, you have no idea…" 

Tony shut him up with a kiss.

"Shh, rest now. You can tell me all about it later. After you've met JARVIS." 

Tony's gentle caresses lulled him to sleep, real sleep, while his body rested back in the waking world, watched over by Wong and the Cloak.

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr post.](https://amethyst-noir.tumblr.com/post/185412370831/i-will-not-wake-for-living-ill-come-to-you-in/)  
> 🦋  
> Thank you for giving this strange little tale a chance. It's pretty out there, I know.


End file.
